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I watch for a moment as she tries to regain her concentration on the job at hand. She looks so beautiful despite the evident stress. Her gaze is fixed on her therapist now, and I can see the determination on her face. For the first time, I can see a glimpse of the old Harper that everyone talks about. I can see how she became so successful. She’s not about to give up, and I watch as she moves her foot forward, taking the smallest step. Her therapist is gripping her tightly, ensuring her safety, and the sweat is beading on Harper’s forehead as her arms shake from the tight grip she has on the supporting rails.
“We can stop at any time. We don’t need to push this hard so soon. Your muscles are weak. It’ll take a lot of time and work to strengthen them again. Just say when you’re done.”
“Not giving up,” is all she replies before fixing her gaze back on me. It feels like she’s just verbally flipped me the bird.
Backing out of the room, still clutching the towels in my now sweaty palm, I softly click the door closed behind me. I’m not ready to talk to her yet, and that’s the only thing I know for sure.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Flynn
It’s dusk when I return home. As I push through the front door, I’m acutely aware that we have guests, something that never happens—well, not since my mum died, anyway. I can hear Rose fussing in the kitchen as drawers and cupboards are dragged open and shut in quick succession. I can’t make out any of the other voices, just Rose, who sounds anxious and flustered.
My immediate thoughts are that I’ve screwed up and missed my curfew, and the tag around my ankle becomes immediately uncomfortable, but a quick glance at the hallway clock tells me I’m wrong. I’m home well before I need to be.
Jacob emerges from the kitchen. When he sees me standing in the hallway, he clicks the door shut behind him. He cups his hands in front of chest whilst he mouth’s the words, Oh man! and giggles like the schoolboy he is. I now know who is waiting in the kitchen for me, and I’m torn between disappearing back out the front door and facing Harper’s father and his well-stacked eye candy. I have no idea how they knew where I lived, but more importantly I don’t know why they’re here.
“Is that you, Flynn?” Rose calls from behind the closed door. For a split second I contemplate the easy option of legging it out the door and not looking back, but that wouldn’t be fair to Rose or my brother. I don’t know why Harper’s family make me nervous. I don’t know them, they bear no relevance on my life. I’ve dealt with so much more in my relatively short time on this earth than talking to a middle-aged man in the throes of a mid-life crisis with his trophy girlfriend.
Taking a cleansing breath, I push open the kitchen door and am instantly confronted by Penny’s awesome rack. I can see why Jacob was impressed. The massive orbs are on full show as she leans on the table, cradling a cup of tea. It’s a distraction I don’t need right now. My eyes flit to Rose, who is pouring a cup for Michael. She looks worried, and it’s somehow my responsibility to calm her fears, although I’m still confused as to why they’re here.
“Flynn.” Michael stands, offering his hand for me to shake. It immediately throws me off kilter. Taking in his appearance, I acknowledge that he looks out of place in my kitchen. He’s dressed in a pair of well-pressed jeans and a suit jacket. The man doesn’t know how to do casual. This is my territory, and I need to take a hold of the situation. I shake his proffered hand confidently. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that a man shouldn’t have a weak handshake. I drag the chair out and sit as Rose pours me tea. I used to hate the stuff but since she moved in while she recuperates, I’ve grown to quite enjoy it, she drinks so much of the damned stuff.
“We just wanted to call and make sure that you’re okay, after the incident at the unit, I mean. I don’t want you to worry about the consequences. I’ve made sure that none of that will cause any problems for you,” Michael explains. “Harper tells me you haven’t visited her since…well, the incident. We thought that maybe you were worried about any police involvement, and we wanted to reassure you that your involvement has been completely left out of the events. As far as the police are concerned, I was defending my daughter. The hospital has given a statement to support that, as has Harper. Nobody knows you were even there.” Michael clears his throat as Penny squeezes his hand in hers. “Is that why you’ve avoided visiting Harper? She misses you. The two of you had grown so close. We know that you’ve been instrumental in her recent recovery, Flynn. Why are you punishing her like this? Don’t you think she’s been through enough already?”
Rose prickles at the side of me. “Now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I don’t think Flynn is trying to punish anyone, let alone your daughter. Let’s not forget that Harper isn’t the only one who’s been hurt in all this.” Smiling at Rose, I let her know I appreciate her support, but I’m a big boy. I can look after myself.
“I’m not trying to punish Harper. That’s the last thing I would want to do. I can’t believe you think that’s what this is about. I’m just not what she needs in her life right now. She’s been through enough. Harper needs her family, not some no-mark, low-life scum who’s working off a sentence. I’m no better than the guy who’s been abusing her for…I don’t know how long, but I know it’s been a while.” Pushing myself away from the table, I go to stand and leave the room but end up bracing myself against the sink unit, staring out across the back garden. I don’t need to explain myself to these people. The only person I need to prove my worth to is my brother, and he’s not in the room.
“Is that how you think we see you? That’s absurd! You’re the one who figured this whole shit storm out. If it weren’t for you, then God only knows where Harper would be now.” Penny’s now standing beside me, her hand rhythmically rubbing my back. It’s annoying, but shunning her attempt to rescue the situation seems a little harsh, even for me. “You know, she’s talking a lot now. It’s as if now she’s started she can’t stop. She keeps asking if we know when you’re coming in. She wants to explain everything to you, but she can’t do that if you don’t let her. You have nothing to fear, Flynn. Nothing at all.”
The rage that’s bubbling inside me now is tangible, coursing up from the pit of my stomach as my head tries to calm my body. I’m confused as to how I should feel. There are two sides to my persona right now: the part of me that wants to be by Harper’s side, comforting her and guiding her through the trauma that’s unfolding before her, and the side that hates her for allowing it to go on for so long. Hate is a very strong word, but to be honest, that’s the only word I have to describe what’s going on in my head right now.
“I’m not scared to see her, I just don’t know how I’m supposed to help her right now. She allowed this to carry on for so long. She could’ve stopped it a long time ago. She only had to tell someone. Just open her damned mouth and speak. If she’s finding it so easy to talk right now, then what stopped her before? I’m not buying into this…what did the doctor call it? Selective mutism? Why would she let him to carry on doing that to her for so long? Maybe there’s more to it than she’s saying. I don’t know. All I do know is I’m not the guy to fix her, not now and maybe not ever.” It’s a bold statement, but I’m prepared to stand by it.
“You’re blaming her, that’s what you’re doing. She doesn’t need you to fix her. She can do that by herself. She just needs the chance to explain. If anyone’s to blame in this, it’s me. Not my daughter. I introduced her to him, forced her to spend time alone with him, but he was supposed to help her reach her career goals, not groom her to be his, his...” As I turn to look at Michael, I see the tears in his eyes, threatening to fall as he struggles to find the right words. “I thought Phil was the best person to help her reach the top of her field. Obviously I was wrong. I can’t turn back the clock, but believe me, if I could, I would. Everybody messes up sometimes. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. I thought you of all people would understand that. My family have never judged you or your past. I knew ex
actly who you were and what you’d done. I had my people run a check on you. I wasn’t about to let some offender get cosy with my daughter without knowing you inside and out. I trusted you to be the better man, and all you’re doing is proving me wrong.” The chair legs scrape against the tiles as Michael stands and holds out his hand to his girlfriend, signifying their imminent departure. “I’m disappointed, Flynn. I thought better of you.”
“You had your people check me out? Really? What did you uncover? That I’m nothing more than a two-bit piece of shit? Don’t you think I know she deserves better than anything I can ever offer her?” Anger makes my voice shake as I almost spit out my words, my whole body tensing in readiness for the backlash. Rose senses it too as she moves to my side, offering her unquestionable support. “I have nothing to give her, can’t you see that?” Rose’s hand rests on my arm in a reassuring gesture. It’s something I’ll be eternally grateful for.
“What I uncovered was that you’ve had a tough life. You did what you had to do to support your brother at a time when he needed you the most. I discovered a boy that had to grow up too fast, someone who took on the most difficult role in life, the role of a parent, in the absence of his own. You have given Jacob so much more than you know. You’ve shown him undeniable love and support, taught him that family is paramount. You’re not a two-bit piece of shit, Flynn. You’re turning out to be someone Jacob can admire and strive to be like. You’re teaching him to learn from your mistakes. That’s priceless, and I admire you for that.” Michael lowers his head, staring at the floor as he takes a step back from his tirade. “Harper doesn’t need you to give her anything but your time and a chance, a chance to tell her side of all this. I’m scared I’ll lose her again, that she’ll be lost to the silent, crushing world she allowed herself to slip into in order to escape the ordeal I pushed her into. If you can’t do it for her, do it for me, please. Help me get my daughter back, the unbroken one.”
I’m floored by his words. My jaw hangs slack as I watch him leave. Turning as he reaches the door, he thanks Rose for her hospitality. The tenderness in his voice as he speaks to the old woman is remarkable, and I know that he has softened her. He turns and nods his head in my direction. It’s a silent plea for help, a plea that only the heartless could ignore. I’m a lot of things, but heartless isn’t one of them.
“I’ll go see her tomorrow.” The words are out before I can stop them.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Harper
I’ve lost count of how many days it’s been since I last had any real Flynn time. Not counting the day everything went tits up or the day he walked in on my physio session, it must be four or five days.
Pops has been in every day since he was arrested. I know he’s delayed his flight home to make sure I’m taken care of, because my mother is still MIA. Fuck knows where she’s disappeared off to. Seb surely knows, but her is absence is notable, to say the least, as is my brother’s. I’ve fully expected her to breeze through the door at any given moment, clutching her hand to her head for dramatic effect. Suzanne Lawrence likes to fix things, and since she’s been unable to fix me, I’m surprised she hasn’t surfaced to right this ‘little situation’—as she would call it—that I seem to have gotten myself into.
Every time the door pushes open, my head snaps round to see if it’s Flynn, but the only thing I’ve been rewarded with so far is whiplash from the continually hopeful optimism. At least I’m finally out of that bloody bed. Sitting in the chair by the window is quite liberating. The soft breeze floats in, fluttering through the blinds as life goes on around Bluebell Hill.
The small, almost apologetic knock on my door makes me question my hearing. Calling out, “Come in,” whilst adjusting my positioning in the chair, I’m struck by how strong my body is beginning to feel in the short time that I’ve been pushing myself.
“Hello, dear.” The small voice is almost a whisper coming from the old lady who currently has only her head and shoulders showing around my door. It takes me a few moments to recognise her as the woman Flynn introduced me to at the Gala. “Am I interrupting you?” she asks.
“Of course not, come in.” My hand motions for her to enter my room as I smile broadly. I can’t for the life of me remember her name. Flynn did introduce me, and I remember her being very sweet and very protective of the boys. She’s the epitome of everybody’s grandmother. The older woman shuffles around the door, adjusting her handbag as she watches the door slide closed behind her ample frame.
“You’re Flynn’s…friend, right?” I counter, trying not to look like a complete idiot because I can’t remember her name.
“That’s right, my dear. You can call me Rose. Mrs Fisher makes me feel old. Is it okay, coming to visit you like this? I don’t want you to think I’m intruding, but your father came to visit Flynn last night and, well, I thought I’d stop by to say hello and see how you’re getting on since that awful man—” Her words drop off at the end, and the air is momentarily thick as Rose struggles to say the right thing.
“Of course its okay to visit, but Flynn isn’t here. He’s around somewhere, I think, but I haven’t seen him for a day or two.”
“Well, it’s not Flynn I’m here to see, it’s you. I can see him anytime.” She chuckles to herself. “Sometimes I think he’s a little fed up with me being around so much. If truth be known, I’m probably well enough to move back to my own home now, but I can’t bring myself to leave those boys. They’ve become my life these last few months, and I did promise their mother that I’d do my best to look out for them.”
It’s only then that I realise that Rose is still standing. Pointing over at the chair, I indicate for her to have a seat. “Thank you, dear, these old legs aren’t what they used to be.” The chair scrapes along the cool tile floor as Rose drags it across the room so she can sit beside me. I’m not quite sure I know why she’s here, but I’m going with the flow.
It’s my new mantra since the inevitable happened.
“Is he okay? Flynn, I mean.” No matter how she answers, I won’t believe it until I see him, the thought that I may never see him again after what happened is weighing heavy on my mind. I haven’t had the chance to explain things to him. Knowing that he’s probably worked things over in his mind and come up with a whole mish-mash of crap is hurting more than anything else.
“No, dear, that’s why I’m here. He’s anything but all right.” Reaching across, Rose places her hand on top of mine in that motherly, comforting fashion. “He’s hurt and he’s angry. He’s convinced himself he’s angry at you, but we both know it’s the situation that’s making him doubt his feelings. I know he loves you with all his heart. He’s just afraid, Harper. Inside that rough exterior, there’s a very sensitive young man. Flynn thinks he should have been able to protect you from that monster.” The disdainful look on her face punctuates her feelings about what he did to me. “It doesn’t matter what your father or I tell him. He believes he’s failed you, just like he’s convinced himself he’s failed Jacob.”
The only thing I heard in all that was the bit about ‘he loves you with all his heart.’ He loves me? Flynn loves me? Is she for real? I’m acutely aware that my jaw is flapping open and shut in an almost rhythmic fashion, but I can’t appear to stop it. First, I can’t find the words to speak, and second, anything I did manage to utter would probably sound pathetic.
“I knew he wouldn’t come to see you today, even though he promised your father, and before you ask, no, he doesn’t know I’m here. He’d probably never speak to me again if he did. So if you don’t mind, this little chat of ours will have to stay between us.”
My head bobs up and down in agreement. “If he’s angry with me, then what makes you think that he has feelings for me?” Again, that was the only thing I’ve focused on this whole time. Out of everything that’s happened to my family and me over the past few days, I am currently concentrating solely on Flynn’s feelings. He has every right to be angry with me. God knows I’m an
gry with me.
Flynn, the boy who breezed into my life by accident and came mean more to me than anything else.
“Trust me, dear, he isn’t angry with you. He’s angry at the situation. It’s just going to take him a little longer than I’d hoped to work that out for himself. But you can rest assured that my boy has feelings for you. I can see it written all over him. He’s fallen hard and fast for a very beautiful girl. He doesn’t think he deserves your heart.” My mouth’s doing the fish impression again. What the Hell is wrong with me? I’ve been talking constantly again for the last three days, and now nothing. My vocal chords have packed up and gone on vacation again.
“The problem with my boy is he’s had a tough life already. I know he’s told you about his mum and Jacob, and he’s told you how he ended up here, at Bluebell Hill. He isn’t one to hide who he is, but he only sees the worst in himself. He can never see the good. There is so much good in him, Harper, so much. We just need to help him see it. If you want to, that is.”
Of course I want to help Flynn. I couldn’t help myself but I can help Rose to fix Flynn.
“You know, dear, men are like good wine; they take a hell of a long time to mature into anything worth bothering with. Just look at your father with his delightful friend, Penny, isn’t it? Flynn’s no different, but then again, maybe he is. I think he’s a little unique, just like you.” The old woman’s features are soft and warm as she studies my expressionless face. I’m moved by her kind words, but she’s wrong about me, very wrong.
“I’m not unique. I’m nothing, nobody, worthless even. I screwed up my life and my family’s. Flynn can do so much better than me, but until he comes to see me, what am I supposed to do? It’s not like I can turn up on his doorstep, is it?” Opening my arms, I indicate around the room at my surroundings in despair.